Fantasy > Reality

I saw this picture on Facebook today and it struck a chord in me. If I start counting the number of times I've finished a book or an episode of a TV show and mourned at the fact that I could never be with a particular fictional character, we'd be here all day.

Yeah, you may scoff at my statement and call me deranged but you'll be surprised at how many people feel this way (I got 7 Likes for the picture in the first 5 minutes after I re-posted it). However, I may have taken this to an extreme. I'm someone who has had innumerable crushes in school. I can't recall a time I DIDN'T like somebody. I think the first time that happened was in class 12th but that didn't end for long. But since I've joined college (an all girls one, thank you very much)- I'm so disinterested in the whole thing. It's so hard for me to get excited about guys I know... I'd rather spend the day watching Dean Winchester on Supernatural.

And in case you're wondering, no- exposure to so many boobs at the same time has not turned me into a lesbian (wouldn't life be so much simpler if I was though? Well, except the whole part of traditional parents bawling their eyes out/ kicking me out of the house).

The other day a close friend even tried hinting at the fact that my obsession with fictional male characters who are bad boys on the surface but with a potential to be good has infiltrated my real life and I don't realise the extent I'm taking it to. To quote her, 'this isn't some fantasy... it's real life.' But you know what, screw real life. Yeah, I said it- SCREW REAL LIFE. If I want to spend my time around potentially making a mistake, that's alright since I'm having a great time doing it.

And what if I need someone who excites me in the way FICTIONAL characters do? We're all flesh and blood and I don't think any writer can capture the complexity that we are... And if I have to wait around for someone like that, hell yeah. Totally worth it.

Mindf***ed.

I've literally taken internet quizzes to help me figure out whether I suffer from depression or if I have OCD or to even check whether I'm bipolar. I'm sure many have done that... right? No? Well, whatever.

It was my parents' anniversary today (I guess it still is... 12 minutes left) but they didn't do anything today because-
A. They were supposed to attend a puja for the passing away of my dad's cousin but it got postponed (I didn't know that could happen).
B. My brother went to Agra for the day with his office buddies.
C. My mom wasn't in a great mood after hearing about the random health issues I've apparently got after the doctor's visit yesterday.

And I spent the entire day calming myself down by mental pep-talks ('cause talking to yourself out loud makes you a weirdo... which I'm not. I promise!) because I kept on freaking about losing a friend recently (Don't worry, he's fine. We just stopped talking.). I keep telling myself I'm fine, which I guess I am. But whenever I get any free time to myself, it's hard to distract myself from the fact that one of my best friends just stopped talking to me one fine day. We'd been having issues for quite some time now and it's not like I didn't think this wouldn't happen at some point but when you learn of this fact not from the friend himself but another mutual friend ('mutual' because I introduced them)... it's not the best feeling in the world.

I guess I would've moved on sooner if he still wasn't a huge part of the lives of my usual group of friends. It's weird knowing that someone whom you knew and befriended first refuses to acknowledge your presence but is a close friend of people you hold really close. But I've kind of been through this one before. I know how I can ride it out... by not freaking myself out and just getting on with things I have going on in my life.

What I really find amusing is that I might not give half a shit about breaking up with someone as I do about losing friends. Not that I have immense experience in that area. But when my ex and I broke up, I expected myself to cry. Hell, he knew what a big cry-er I was and he kept on consoling me by saying- 'It's alright if you want to cry, I'm here'. And I just stared and said- 'Nope, I'm alright.' (that really bruised his ego by the way). A few days later, I literally sat and WILLED myself to well up thinking I might be bottling up my hurt inside and it'd just be better to let it out and I was so close... so close! But then I pictured my face with what my half-assed attempt at crying would be doing to it and I burst out laughing.

Even though it's been almost two years to my one and only relationship (Hey, well, excuse me! Why don't you try studying in an all girls college?), I never once cried or looked back at it wistfully. Yet, I mindf*** myself with the friends I've lost along the way. Ah, well.

I like to move it, move it.

So I've been overweight since class 8th or something. I was actually quite the skinny kid until I discovered my true love for desserts. I've tried different methods of losing weight along the years (especially when I realised that my self-esteem was getting kicked in its shit-hole because of this) but damn those chocolates. They're like a drug.

And the whole thing is like a vicious cycle... you head to the malls and view all these amazing clothes you wish you could squeeze into and hot guys (you wish would squeeze around you. Hah.)  and you depress yourself. But that doesn't end there. The only thing that even remotely makes you feel better is food, especially if it contains chocolate. And sure, you see your mood improving and you mind-scream 'SCREW YOU, WORLD! I'M AWESOME THE WAY I AM, HELL YEAH!'
...Until the next time you make another trip to the mall.

My mom's tried her hand at making me work out or eat better. She's tried various ways- some pump my confidence (You have such great features! Just imagine how nice you'd look if you lost 10 kilos), some make me want to scream in annoyance (You've got such a sedentary lifestyle! Look at *insert thin friend's name here*! She's so slim-trim yet she works out!) and some just make me feel really bad (I'm so worried about your health... the doctor said you need to lose weight or *insert any one of the random dozen health issues I've got* could get worse!).

My friends tell me I should work out not because I can never bring myself to accept my present body but because I want to improve my lifestyle and health. I never really thought I'd give much of a crap about that until my last visit to the doctor.(Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into one of those 'I never treasured what I had until it was too late... I'm dyingggggggg' tales.) Still, I found out I had a few more serious things I have to really look after. Anddd yesterday was the first time I hit the gym in a really long while. Sure, my muscles hurt like a bitch from being useless for so long but it kind of feels good.

I only hope this isn't going to be one of those short-lived phases of mine.